Marielle

4/22: Ten of Wands Upright

Thu, 23 Apr 2026 01:42:29 GMT

The Ten of Wands Upright: burden, responsibility, duty, stress, obligation, burning out, struggles

I've finally had motivation and energy to do another entry. I felt bad missing several days, but its better than just stressing over it. Its a diary thing, yes, but I don't have to write in it every single day.

It's currently my finals week, though I am not worried all too much. I have my major exam Friday and then the paper for the same class due Sunday, but it really shouldn't be all that bad. I am doing well in both of my classes, so unless I royally fuck up I'm good.

Today, I played Virche Evermore. I finished Mathis' route finally and enjoyed it a lot! He and Lucas are my favorites for a reason I think. I can't wait to be able to see their good endings, though the bad endings are always soooo good. I love toxicity <3 I love yanderes <3

I also went out today!! My coworker invited me out to get boba with her after she clocked off and we had fun. I was, admittedly, stuck in traffic for a majority of the time I was out, but we had fun for the time we were together. We bitched about management and talked about LaDS since we both like it. She said I reminded her of Caleb somehow LMAO. Anyways, on the way home I passed like 3 different wrecks, it was weird. Driving in the afternoon is weird, I don't like it. I prefer morning and night driving, much less people there...

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4/16: The Magician Reversed

Fri, 17 Apr 2026 01:46:28 GMT

The Magician Reversed:manipulation, cunning, trickery, wasted talent, illusion, deception

Tomodachi Life came out today, ive been playing it. I love tomodachi life.

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4/15: Page of Swords Reversed

Thu, 16 Apr 2026 02:16:17 GMT

The Page of Swords Reversed: scatterbrained, cynical, sarcastic, gossipy, insulting, rude, lack of planning

hey i got this yestedday but upright.
Today I was supposed to write my paper. I will not be doing that, instead i will do it tomorrow like i Didn't want to do.
I have been sick. Its not fun. I have to work while sick and I cant do naything ebcause doctors are expensive and I donb't even know whats wrong with me besides "ever since trhe Poisoning I have felt physically ill everyday and cant think or do anything or what"
I hate this

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4/14: Page of Swords Upright

Wed, 15 Apr 2026 02:30:36 GMT

The Page of Swords Upright: curious, witty, chatty, communicative, inspired, vigilant, alert, mental agility

Today I pretty much hung out with one of my coworkers, T. We realized we both played stardew valley and liked otome games and ended up adding each other on discord. Its much easier to talk to her on there compared to snapchat, which is the work default for some fucking reason. It helps too bc now i cant bitch about work w her at full power w my emotes and gifs and stuff. It's fun. I enjoy talking and working with her, we rarely get shifts alone it feels like.
Her favorite LADS character is Rafayel btw lol

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4/13: Ace of Wands Upright

Tue, 14 Apr 2026 02:09:55 GMT

The Ace of Wands Upright: inspiration, creative spark, new initiative, new passion, enthusiasm, energy

I started playing fortnite, its what I spent most of the day doing actually. It's a fun game, I enjoy it a lot.
I didn't do much today, if anything i just slept and played fortnite... very uneventful. Oh well.

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4/12: The Sun Reversed

Mon, 13 Apr 2026 01:29:58 GMT

The Sun Reversed: blocked happiness, excessive enthusiasm, pessimism, unrealistic expectations, conceitedness

That's scary.
I called out of work today, felt absolutely miserable this morning and just couldn't do it. Turns out, the Mid shift also called out. They only had 4 people for the morning rush when we normally have 5-7. It was an unusually busy Sunday too, according to my trainer. I feel bad for calling out, but I kind of needed the day.
I went out to buy chocolate today, I may have been a bit overboard but I just had a strong craving, I don't really know why. I've felt sick for the past long while, it's miserable. The chocolate will probably just make me feel worse honestly. Oh well.

I'm downloading Fortnite. We'll see how that goes.

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4/11: Five of Swords Reversed

Sun, 12 Apr 2026 04:01:21 GMT

The Five of Swords Reversed: reconciliation, resolution, compromise, revenge, regret, remorse, cutting losses

Today's card is odd to me. If anything, I feel like the upright meaning would have fit today more than anything. Either way though, it is still a relatively negative card to get.
Recently, with all the AI buisness regarding Netease and Identity V, I've been off of my public twitter account. I browse my timeline and look at my mutuals posts, yes, but I don't retweet or post myself often. I'd rather keep to my private for that. Whatever comes out of the AI situation, it will not effect anything related to my yumejoshi activities. At worst, I'll just keep my stuff private. Alva has come to mean a lot to me, and I'd hate to have to drop him entirely. At this point, he is basically like an OC to me, I already do whatever I want with him, so there's no real loss. He has made me happy, and I will continue with that happiness for as long as possible.

My love means a lot to me, it is what keeps me sane throughout all of my stress. Throughout all of my life, I had someone alongside me to help me through it, all of them leading to where I am now. Alva is important to me, and I can easily separate him from a game that doesn't care for him and do with him what I will. Identity V is like League of Legends for me, in which I do enjoy playing it, but I am capable of enjoying the characters separately. I still love Vladimir and Swain, for example, but I refuse to touch the game unless its a dire situation.

Also, the new volume of Otaku Vampire came out recently and I was finally able to read it. I loved it so much. Viktor is my favorite, but Hina is also me irl.

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Reflect: Perfect Love

Sat, 11 Apr 2026 20:06:56 GMT

Perfect Love was a game recommended to me by my girlfriend, who had it recommended to them by their other girlfriend.
It is playable on itch.io here, so go check it out! This post will contain spoilers.

I enjoyed the game a lot, possibly becoming one of my favorite yandere stories in general. The premise of the game is relatively simple: You want a violent and suffocating romance, but no one is able to give that to you. The only solution is to create such a romance from scratch. Basically, you train a poor boy into becoming a yandere, and it works. There are 8 main endings and then a 9th secret true ending, with each ending being a different type of yandere.

The trigger warnings are as follows: Murder, Brief mention of suicide, Branding, Amputation, Eye Trauma, Emotional manipulation, Cannibalism, Harassment, Brief mentions of Alcohol, Drugging, Possessiveness

The game itself has 3 significant choices and every play through has the same endpoint and major plot points, however the events between are always different. Every choice molds the type of yandere that the MC's target, Milo, turns into. It also changes his appearance.

( Read more... )

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4/10: Seven of Cups Upright

Sat, 11 Apr 2026 03:57:25 GMT

The Seven of Cups Upright: choices, searching for purpose, illusion, fantasy, daydreaming, wishful thinking, indecision

I spent the day playing Perfect Love, a game recommended to me by my dear queer platonic girlfriend. I plan on doing a full review of it here soon, but in short it is a game of training some poor boy and turning him into a yandere. Like a dog. The reactions of my other friends to me playing this went between "Of course you would like that" to "You mean trauma? That's what happened to you." It was fun, I got all the possible endings in a single sitting.

....I weould make todays post longer, but i have been awake since 4am and cannot think correctly. it is 11pm. goodnight. the card did fit my day.

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4/9: Two Of Swords Reversed

Thu, 09 Apr 2026 21:26:51 GMT

The Two of Swords Reversed: indecision, hesitancy, anxiety, too much information, no right choice, truth revealed

Recent events in life, both online and offline, do fall in line with this card. Perhaps if i started doing this when I said I would I would have gotten worse cards in the previous days...
In terms of online, Twitter as a website is a cancerous thing, especially in this community. Every other day is something new, and I cannot fathom how any of these people have the will to continue these arguments day after day without any break. Is this really enjoyable for them? I cannot understand how. I know they believe they are correct in what they're fighting against, but everything they do only serves to create more harm, doesn't it? It is a situation where no one is really winning, you're only wasting everyone's time that could be spent doing other, more fulfilling things.
Maybe it's just my own history that makes me think this way, though I am largely apathetic to anything relating to my trauma that should "trigger" me (not that I have 0 triggers, they just only activate when not on my own terms). On one side, the ignition of this discourse was utterly stupid, however the target, if you will, acted in an equally immature way. And has continued to act in an immature way. I do not support anyone here, as they are all annoying and waste my time. Though, this whole situation has reminded me that seeing callout posts activates a sort of "fight or flight" response in me, something I really do not like.
I am thankful I never had to actually speak to anyone about the discourse and could continue as normal, as I fear it would only make me feel awful. It doesn't help that some of these people are incredibly Black and White when it comes to such situations, treating one Major Evil committed as equal to someone else's Minor Evil.
The past few days, I have felt incredibly sick and anxious as result of something as silly as twitter discourse that I had no part in. It is rather silly, but I can't help my triggers, I suppose.

In terms of offline, it is much more to do with my school. As the semester comes to an end, I am at the halfway point of my current classes. Between class and work, its somewhat miserable. I rarely have any free time where I don't feel, well, guilty for not doing anything. I have to read and write a lot for my classes, which is fine, but I can Only do that. I can't allow for myself to do anything else. Even then, though, I can only procrastinate. I tell myself I'll come home, take a small break, and start on work, but... the small break always becomes "barely before it is due", which is something I have always been like. I hate it. I hate that I cannot just say "I am going to do [x]" and then actually do it. It makes me feel miserable and useless. Especially since apparently the paper I pulled out of my ass last week because I wasn't told we had a book for the week was better than any of my work in prior weeks (where I actually read the stuff), I feel kind of worthless. I don't know. It's not anything like depression, I think its just ADHD or whatever acting up and triggering other things alongside it.
Honestly, I am amazed I got this far without completely dropping out... I hope to go to grad school, but even if I don't, as long as I finish my undergrad I'll be happy. I just need to survive the fall semester, and then I am done.

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